The second half of 2018 presented many challenges. From not fitting into a rollercoaster ride on a family vacation, to having to quit teach Zumba due to a worsening injury I found myself at a mental low by the end of the year. I was in physical therapy and unable to workout the way I enjoyed, found myself constantly bitter at other peoples’ success and questioning so many things about my body and future as a wellness coach, wondering if I’d ever be able to teach Zumba again and just wasn’t happy. Not only that- I was angry that I was feeling this way again after doing so much work to break the binds of comparison, dieting and beating myself up. As I floundered trying to continue my life while I felt like crap I finally asked myself- IS THIS HOW I REALLY WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE. That question took me from cynical and depression to taking ownership of where I was and choosing to go somewhere else.
I picked up the book “Girl Stop Apologizing” with a great deal of hesitation (I think most of you know my thoughts on Girl, Wash Your Face) and started reading. The book had some great questions to dig deeper into what we really want, our internalized beliefs, stop feeling bad about ambition and how to start working towards change. For much of my life, I would allow myself to go in wild swings up and down riding tides of enthusiasm and motivation, only to burn out and end in a pit of overwhelm. I had to come to terms with the fact that much of my fear surrounding change had to do with a past pattern of all-or-nothing that wasn’t sustainable for the season I was in. Not to mention for me the fear of SUCCESS was always scarier than the fear of failure. Lasting success is only possible through major behavior and habit change.
So I started making a list of what my dream life looked like and wrote them as if they had already happened:
- I am healthy and pain-free
- We are debt-free
- Our marriage is on FIRE
- I am fully present for our kids
- I am a Godly wife and mom
- We are giving and investing freely
- I am making a significant income doing what I love
- We are living in a home that allows us to disciple, bond as a family and adopt or foster in the future
- I have a life/business coach
- I am driving my dream car
To answer my own question: At that point in time I was NOT living the life I wanted. I was tired, hurting, depressed, and avoiding making necessary changes because I was afraid of the cost of change. But there’s a quote that goes something like this: “Don’t let the concept of change scare you as much as the prospect of being happy“. I was done using my energy to stay the same when I wasn’t happy. It was time to invest the energy in change. So I started reading and writing again, getting honest with goals, doing daily gratitude and writing the 10 Dreams in 10 Dreams as though they had already happened, and taking action in the direction of those dreams.
As we are reaching the end of 2019, I look back with so much gratitude over the changes and challenges this year brought.
- We completed Baby Steps 2&3 and moved into our dream house.
- I was fortunate to attend 2 leadership conferences
- I completed a business starting event at our local entrepreneurial center
- I read multiple personal development books that help transform my mindset towards my own care, money, and relationships.
- I began working towards more finely tuned healthy habits and lost over 20 pounds
- I was hired by one of my favorite companies as a community manager and online coach.
- My brain began to transform into a growth/problem solving mindset rather than a mindset revolving around negavity, inaction, overwhelm and remaining stuck.
I attribute so much of this growth to the decision to stop staying stuck and start taking action. The decision to GET UP and get moving towards something better. Everyday I write down 5 things I’m grateful for and 10 Dreams in 10 Years. I pray to say thank you and ask for guidance because everything that happens belongs to God and the people that are brought into this life. My goals stay at the top of my mind because they are written down daily.
As we wrap up our year I want to challenge you to ask yourself the same thing- is this the life you want to be living? If it’s not, where do you want to be? How will you get there?