I’m nearing my 1 year anniversary of kicking dieting to the curb and chucking my scale in the trash. There has been a lot of change around here as a result… good changes mostly. No more binging, no more using food as a tool for coping with emotions, no more basing worth on the scale, no more good/bad foods or “earning” my intake. I’m proud of myself for letting go of a thin ideal and a preoccupation that a skinnier me=a better me. My weight stabilized for several months. I’ve learned a lot about myself as a result of tuning in. But every rose has its thorn.
One question I’m always asked is “well, do you think you’ll ever lose the weight you gained?”.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever lose the 40 pounds I gained. Do I hope I will? If I’m being honest, yes. Part of me really hopes my body will trust that I’m no longer binging, yoyo dieting or doing other crazy things for the purpose of quick weight loss and my metabolism will rebound. My main frustration with gaining weight is having a larger tummy that interferes with basic aspects of my life such as shoe tying and squatting to reach things. I don’t feel bad or ashamed about my body, but have a certain level of discomfort in daily activities.
I’ve been slowly building habits since December and I’m currently at a point where my future habits will be habits that may lead to fat/weight loss. If it doesn’t, I won’t dwell on it but will continue to enjoy the vessel I’m in with the new life I’m living. I’m thrilled with the capabilities I have to be strong and have a much healthier mindset when it comes to my body. I’m at a point where slow doesn’t phase me. Good things take time.
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