Today my daughter observed me lying sick on the couch through her 5 year old eyes and asked the million dollar question- “Is being a mommy hard?”
I’m currently wiped out from strep, body aches, doctors visits and rounding up antibiotics so today was spent trying to get any rest I could. When a 3 hour nap made no difference, I resigned to couch parenting while trying really hard to sound serious enough that they’d listen, but not so loud to strain my vocal chords or turn into some streppy/psychotic version of June Cleaver. Today being a mommy is really, really hard.
Being a mommy is hard, and this year I feel like I’ve had the unfortunate job of opening up my daughter’s eyes to so many of life’s hardships. I’ve had to explain death and heaven to the best of my ability when one of my parents died, yesterday I had to explain that a baby cow didn’t fall out of its Mommy’s butt (which resulted in lots of tears over the discussion of the REAL exit strategy of birth), we’ve had talks about some of the poor choices other grown ups make and now my sweet girl has seen me deal with grown up problems like sadness and sickness. I have tried extremely hard in the past to avoid letting her see me cry or be in pain because I don’t want her to be afraid of the hurts of life. For awhile I also didn’t want her to see me as anything but supermom- but I’m not. I’m hoping that as she grows seeing me sick or hurting she can also see a mom that still pushes forward as best she can. I hope she can see there is no shame in feeling emotion for the people you love and things that are wrong in this world. Emotions don’t make you crazy, they make you human.
Today when she asked me if being a mommy was hard I smiled weakly and said “yes, it’s hard but I love it more than anything. I love you and your brother more than anything on this whole planet”. And I think that’s why being a mommy is hard- we love them so much it hurts when they hurt. We constantly hope we did the right thing and second guess our decisions and pray to God we are leading them the right direction. Being a mom is REALLY hard.
A few minutes later she brought me a cup of cold water from the fridge and said “I love you mommy, I hope you feel better soon”. It made me remember we’re doing something right. I’m so blessed God gave me you little girl.