Yesterday was really hard. Step 1 was to reject the diet mentality… I cleaned out my cupboards, drawers and cabinets of recipe books, magazines, of anything promoting weight loss. This included apps used for counting calories/containers/carbs etc and my 21 Day Fix containers, aka my security blanket. Oh and my scale and measuring tape. I felt overwhelmed. My heart was racing, and literally, I wanted to throw up.
It was a scary feeling realizing how attached to the concept of dieting I am, yet I knew I have been worshiping the wrong God. Food, fitness… It was all wrong. And I’ve never NOT been on some sort of plan probably since my midteens.
So I took it all downstairs and stuck it all in a box (I couldn’t bring myself to throw it all away or donate it) and in my head I called it “the graveyard”. I said goodbye to the ghosts of dieting past and tried to calm down.
I cried. I wondered how I got this way. But I already knew.
I feel naked. Like dieting has been a protection around me and now I’m totally vulnerable.
I feel like a weight has been lifted but like I also feel like I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been the gal who’s current on health/fitness trends, up to date on the latest diet and the girl who has tried every damn diet under the sun. The girl who has lost 40 pounds using a diet program but has been unable to progress any further on any program…. It’s been my own undoing as I’ve gotten into a yoyo cycle again. And now I’m trying to attempt years of undoing this and I’m second guessing if this is possible. It’s exhausting.
Cheers to a new day.
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