Is it possible to NOT diet? I keep asking myself this, over and over and over.
The sad truth is, I fell victim to the idea that being a skinnier version of myself would cure all my problems at a very young age. I began secretly eating (sneaking snacks and other food) around age 10 during my parents divorce, and the weight started to pile on. I had very few friends in middle school and was very self-conscious. I envisioned a line of boys outside my parents’ door, being the most popular girl in school, and finally having it all if I could JUST lose the preteen pudge. Thus, began the yo-yo diet cycle that has consumed my life since middle school.
20 years later, here I am and wondering if I can EVER have a normal relationship with food. Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can I have some chips and stop eating them before consuming the whole bag lying to myself that once it’s all gone it’s gone and I won’t bring anymore back into the house? Will I ever feel NO GUILT for eating a “bad food”. Diets have given me a sense of control and security and even led to the results I so desperately wanted- weight loss. I can’t deny that in my 30’s my main reasoning has been driven by just having some energy and feeling capable of keeping us with my kids where in my 20’s I just wanted to be “hot”. Can I relinquish the comfort and sense of security that goes with the parameters of a diet to find FOOD FREEDOM?
Over the last few months I haven’t blogged much about losing weight- to be totally honest there isn’t much to report. What I initially thought was a motivation issue has turned into a desire to stop being consumed by the idea that I must have constant, measurable goals and results to prove that I’m winning the war I declared against my body. I need to stop being so hard on myself and stop waging war on my body. I need to stop dieting.
I’m going to leave you with a question I keep asking myself and that I’ve asked a few close friends that I know struggle with the same issue. “If you were able to have a normal relationship with food and you no longer obsessed over food, maintained health, ate when you wanted to, and stopped when you were full and everything else. What if you achieved all that and didn’t lose a single pound? Could you be happy with that?”
I still don’t have an answer to this question, but today I’m putting away the scale and deleting every calorie/container/macro tracking app I have. It’s time to learn to trust my instincts and love the body God gave me. I’m going to see if I can find the answer to this question.
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