Wednesday nights are normally gymnastics nights at our house but when I arrived to take Miss Aubrey to gymnastics there was a cancellation sign… Commence crying. She loves gymnastics.
Instead, I opted to take her swimming since it was $2 day at the local pool and she was completely excited because this was her first trip to a big kid pool.
I think my daughter has the cutest little body. She’s petite and athletic and she just loves to be active. At 3 she has no clue what insecurities she may face as she gets older and just loves to shake her teeny booty to whatever is playing on the radio (last night at the pool it was “Firework” by Katy Perry) and she was so stinking cute in her new dark purple ruffle swimsuit. She has confidence that is contagious.
So before we go to the pool I put on my über sexy maternity suit. *sigh*. It’s red tankini style suit with white polka dots, a friend was nice enough to give me a bunch of maternity clothes since I was way out of season with this pregnancy and luckily there was a suit there. I hadn’t put it on in almost 8 weeks and my body has changed a ton since then. I have been on so many physical restrictions I just don’t feel like myself. I felt super awkward and uncomfortable because now that I’m showing it just fits differently….. So in my head I tell myself “it’s okay, you’re doing this for your daughter not for yourself”. But really I wanted to cry. I put on a swimsuit cover up which resembled a mumu, flip flops and away we went.
I was doing fine until we got to the pool and then there were so many bikini bound hot Mommas I felt completely insecure. It was the first time I truly didn’t like being pregnant. I had scoffed at a few other pregnant women who had complained about insecurity while pregnant because come on, we’re pregnant and it’s just the way it is right!? I didn’t think I’d be susceptible to the bodily issues because I really do feel better overall and I’m in a better place mentally than my last pregnancy.
Tears started to well up behind my sunglasses while taking off the hideous mumu I was hiding my very pregnant body behind and then Aubrey ripped off her shoes and swimsuit cover up and ran into the water laughing and screaming with excitement. Seeing her confidence and happiness made me smile and take some of my own advice to “suck it up, buttercup” and enjoy the ride. I wiped off of the tears, waddled into the water and took her little hand. She doesn’t care about what I look like.
Pregnancy and insecurity is temporary but memories of the first time at the pool with my little girl will be forever ingrained in my brain. She went down the slide, danced to the music and reminded me to live in the moment- because little moments like this are fleeting. I could learn a lot from that girl!