This is our Christmas tree. It may appear to be an ordinary Christmas tree, but this year it is different….
For the past 5 years, when Mr. Incredible and I would put up the tree I wanted it to look picture perfect, similar to what you see in a catalog. The glistening, shimmery, sparkle of a color coordinated tree straight from a magazine. I had only allowed a few ornaments that didn’t match onto the tree in the past. This year as we were putting up the tree, I looked at the family ornaments and and decided this year they made the cut. Our tree this year is a beautiful map of 5 years of marriage and the story of our lives.
In early October we were excited to find out we were going to be blessed with baby #2 in June 2014. As the next 5 weeks played out, I went thorough a blurred series of bloodwork, stress, restrictions, a prescription or 2, and my body eventually rejecting this baby as it had done 3 other times before we had Aubrey. A 4th miscarriage has been an emotional blow that I forgot existed until recently, but it sure put things into perspective. It made me rethink the past, present and future of our family and how lucky we were to have family that came up here without question when I was put on restrictions and again when we found out the pregnancy was no longer viable.
I continued to put up ornaments, with tear filled eyes and remembered what each one meant. There were several from my childhood which brought back mixed emotions. The ornament from a family friend that had the date we were engaged. Aubrey’s first Christmas. Ornaments that reminded me of my deceased grandparents and jogged memories of my Grandpa Cecil jolly laughter that sounded just like Santa. A photo ornament of Mr. Incredible’s Grandpa is mixed among the blue and silver bulbs. A moment for all of us as we remembered family members that had passed, wishing the other could have met them and that Aubrey would have known her other great-grandparents.
Putting up the tree was almost therapeutic. I had been holding back emotions for so long and telling myself that I had conquered the same bullshit before. Trying to be strong and reminding myself “everything happens for a reason” which I still believe. I believe everything happens for a reason when I look at the tree and laugh through tears about the story of or life together. The struggle of our first 6 months married living on $1000/month in the smallest 1 bedroom apartment I’d ever seen in a brand new city with our families over 2 hours away. Celebrating Mr. Incredible’s first real job. Going through 4 miscarriages. Celebrating my first real job. The birth of our daughter. Buying our first car. First house. Fights over petty things and huge fights over important things. Loss of loved ones. Smiling through tears because after 5 years I couldn’t help but feel ridiculously blessed with a man that has stuck with me though downs and ups and struggles.
Our tree doesn’t look as “magazine worthy” as I’ve tried to make it look in the past, but I love looking at it. And I love the people that helped make it what it is.